Many a concerned cyber citizen has inquired about my deliberate avoidance of the Twitter. My visceral response to such inquiries would have to be: “Cz I dnt thnk I cn really complte a fkn cognt sntns in < 140 krctrs w/o sounding like a fkn retrd w/ cottn balz shovd in hs gumz.” However, lest I be made a posterboy for all that is killjoy, I feel a little amplification is in order. Firstly, I must profess that my aversion to twitting is not a petty dislike borne out of trepidation towards change, nor is it technological peasantry of any form. I feel very strongly about avoiding the twit. In fact, I feel something akin to what Immanuel Kant defined as a categorical imperative not to twingle. It is my duty to have self-imposed sanctions when it comes to that medium.
But before I ascend atop my soapbox, let me first say that those who criticize the Twatter on the premise that they are, in point of fact, not interested in what @mytwatface is currently having for lunch are bunch of twits themselves. The Internet is a free realm, the ruling gods of which allow for the free movement of IP subjects to navigate away from @mytwatface’s lunch table to a more interesting abode. I would actually go as far as to say that some of the people I respect and admire use twitter. The nature of their interests (read: business and or revolution) in their respective circles dictates that sharing information at such a pace is prerequisite to their survival. Others also fall in that category, but enough with the disclaimers. I am in fact an information junkie, but I do believe in our collective responsibility to contribute to the pool for the long term good of our networks.
What troubles me about twitter is the inherent lack of originality it offers to the average twat. The average twat wants to feel relevant, loved even…but at some point in time, a twat must ask itself the most pertinent of questions: can a condensed hyperlink ever truly explain my current state of mind? Is the word limit really improving my speech impediment? Despite the millions of words that result from the hundreds of millions of permutations our alphabet provides, the average twit is nowhere near the level of cogency that one has come to expect from intelligent life-forms…and yet on top of that, the twit is confined by a definite word limit, forcing her to take a supplementary dump on the English language as she resorts to her gag inducing e-shorthand. Fuckin shameless. But to be fair, the average fucktard with an open mic and no word limitation ends up having, well, exactly that.
The categorical imperative that confounds me from using twitter is that of content. What got me on this soapbox to begin with is the type of information being shared through that channel. Most twits make their contribution in the form of a link that is generally accompanied by an adjective signifying their seal of approval. This dangerous avenue of contribution is akin to the facebook phenomenon of reducing expression to a binary state of ‘like’ and ‘dislike’, with the corresponding thumbs-up/thumbs down graphic. The pattern of numskulling expression via parcels of oversimplified clever java code is profoundly frightening. The undeniable intuitive truth remains that people are getting dumber by the day, both socially and otherwise, unless you reside in some digital compost. And normalizing the digression of our motor neurons into 140 character snippets of thought is an absurd devolution of our natural instincts. The collective belief that we now need not elaborate our opinions further accentuates the alienating polarization we so complain about on our various media outlets, yet here we are condoning it, in meticulously decrepit e-curtailed ‘tweets,’ 140 characters at a time. Our lethargic affinities will one day persuade us that sharing a bit.ly link is enough of a contribution. And eventually, as unique twats eventually hit critical mass, we will run out of links to share, because we are all busy trying to impress our followers with the article of the week rather than creating it. And when that day finally arrives, rest assured that servicing our depression by clicking the dreaded ‘dislike’ emoticon will suffice. And what a sad day that would be.
Whilst this blog is probably ensnared in a cul de sac of its own self-righteousness, it arguably makes a plausible plea for discourse. My hope is that it gets twitted on some twatter, the readers of which will come engage in some good old fashioned dialogue, more palpable than the 140-character blurts of arbitrariness. The vast arid that is the comments section is for you to sow. Let no man tear asunder.
